...♀ · ♫ · · ♥ · ....

Im feelin sick the past days ….blame it to the so cold weather, and my dry cough is killing me…chest pains and backaches sucks…last night was the worst….iv never felt that sickening back pains ever….even attempted to call nanay and bf.. but decided not to…I don’t wanna wori her and him…nor everyone else….and so Iv tried every possible position just to lessen the pain….tried hard to stretch my hands to my back to sort of massage where it hurts…but to my dismay, I can’t manage to do it right.…and there’s no one to do it for me….its times like that we wish for things we cant have…..things not possible…and we become so childish wishing to go back to a specific place or time…..wish for specific persons… or things…...it’s the normal reflex of our minds I guess….when we are in pain or having a hard time we tend to focus on what’s not there, what’s missing …and I guess that’s always been more the often the way it is, the way we are…...pain/hard time = depression….and so going back last night, my last resort was to cry till iv fallen asleep…..

Today, I woke up late, an hour late… I was even thinking twice of goin to work…but decided I have to…no, I want to...and so im here…working…replying to emails…send follow ups….process invoices…analyze accounts....and in between I look at these pictures…..and do some collage…

Yes holidays has been fun….its been memorable..and meaningful…

Looking at those pictures reminded me how it was … the evening mass for nine days… the rush shopping before Christmas …the 3 TV mass I watched on Christmas eve.…the realizations…the waking up alone again on another chrismas….the heart to heart to talk with my “sober” father…. realizations after that talk….the keenly observing “again” people on the bus and the streets on Christmas day…the Christmas mass…the rush gift shopping for the 2^nd time….my “almost” stolen fone and wallet….the “going back home again” before new year….nostalgic feelings….nanay and tatay and tito waiting for me even at 1am…watching nanay and her “tikoy”….wrapping gifts….kids opening gifts….the “christmas party”….their plan…them hosting the program,us watching them….plus tatay dancing…and tita…and me….wity crying for not winning anything…mboy hosting the “hep hep hooray”….them sleeping together before minai left….long line at the one and only atm machine in town….longer at the grocery store….that look of “lola” when she saw me, and her stories….us preparing food for new years eve…house blessing of tito’s “new/old” house…..evening mass with the whole fam, me wearing polka dots skirt with my umbrella…his “just in time” call….fireworks and the dancing and jumping and the rain on new years eve…..

Hai..nostalgia….so many firsts last year….so many good memories….nice people…. lessons…and stories….so many reasons to be thankful for….and I am, I am so thankful.

2008’s ended and 2009’s just started. I have a lot on my mind for this year. Same time last year I remember I wasn’t this aware of how time really flies. I was so…hm I cant put it into exact words…I was always being so sentimental. Could that be the exact word? Haha ok ok I should rephrase that, last year I wasn’t “that” driven. I was always being dragged by something, like anything at all will always change my mood or even my plans. Gets? And so not much was accomplished. Its only now as I try to look back, at this point time, at this stage of my life, everything is just happening so fast (plus everyone’s expecting a lot). And I am supposed to move as fast as well. But that doesn’t mean im not goin to enjoy the whole journey. Im just gonna try not to lose focus when something happens. May it be about work/career or personal stuffs. Though lets give credit to the last quarter of 08, I was able to be the best that I can be, personally, I was so driven, tried to be the happiest person I can be most times and yeh I did, I was (still am). Now, I’ll try as well not to lose drive on other aspects. I’ll try hard, no, harder. Live driven and enjoy the whole journey. (And if ever Im losing track again, sapakin nyo lang ako, joke, remind me of this blog please…)

And I hope someone else learn from this post….like be more motivated? Hmmm may matamaan kaya?..hehe....i remember one text I got the other day…it says…….SMILE….you don’t own all the problems……….some of them are mine… : ) isn’t that nice….and so true….we don’t carry the world’s problems on our shoulders alone….each has its own little share….and someone, someone out there will always believe in you…and in what you’re capable of…and someone UP there, will always be there to guide you every step of the way….

Anyway my back still hurts…but im fine…it’ll pass… once I get through the dry cough…and the cold weathers over….and definitely I wont spend another weekend sleeping all day…oh yes that could be the culprit….and probably I’ll just look for a manong to massage my back later…haha…just kidding….i have my pillows, it can help…and I should look for my vicks…and buy meds for my cough now….and sleep early,i hope….and of course lessen all the drama….negative thoughts wont do much help…but the “crying” did the trick a little….haha lumulusot?..oh well…later’s gonna be fine….and all the other days coming….

My Tuesday’s almost over, another day’s passed, its already 7^th of January, see…that’s how fast days are….and im almost 7 months here in my new job, or should I say not so new job…admittedly days are starting to be monotonous…with not much challenge….w/ a little to look forward to….im starting to wish for Fridays on a Monday, which is a bad sign…but the good thing….im trying to fight it…i divert my attention,think of something to do during the day besides work….read something….research…edit photos….write a blog…listen to music…fight boredom that is….and the negative thoughts….not just because I have to…but because I want to…..now that’s called drive….lets keep that…lets always keep that faith to live life to the fullest no matter what’s happening….no matter what we have or only have….faith on the “for our good yet unknown” reason behind an event or situation…faith that everything changes and tomorrow might be or will be different…faith that those things we wish for and meant for us will come, will happen…..and most all faith in HIM and his plans. amen??? : )

****hmmm..these are nice realizations…thanks to the dry cough plus terrible chest pains and back pains last night….hihi… : )

Current Mood:	: )
Current Music:	keep breathing/on the side of me/somebody loved/drive/push