...♀ ♫ ♥ ....

hey blog....

2009-12-11T12:52:23Z

you miss me?

I miss me....

It's been a while!

can't believe I havnt blog anything yet since I turned AWESOME SWEET 23.

I dont know why really...

maybe because of work or twitter?
or lack of inspiration maybe or creativity rather?
or im just plain lazy.

hmmm sometimes its frustraiting that i dont get to finish all i wanted to do...
time flies so fast that its been 10 days since that BIG DAY and I havnt wrote any...

It was a wonderday day definitely
...and days have been dragging meaningfully to me to this date.

I wish I could write more...collect my thoughts and write them here
...but Nil, zero...

I will try this weekend...hopefully.
Im good though... i really am.

A YEAR OLDER, SMARTER and WISER.
i hope ; )

Thank you Bro, You're really the best...
I've been so blessed....
thank you for the surprises
for the greetings
thank you for the love of my family and friends and him
thank you for this life...
I just am so thankful for everything.

I love you.

Dear 23 years of existence,

you've been a rollercoaster ride,
and I just adore how you've unfolded yourself to me
slowly but meaningfully (yes there's such word)
You've shown me great lessons...
you've made me feel almost every emotion in this world.
I thank you for being just the way you are.
Never perfect but indeed always reasonable.
Im saying goodbye to you now,
another year will add up....
I just cant wait for all the other adventure...
You will remain special for you'll forever be a part of me.

Lovingly yours, HN

..... And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
-Abraham Lincoln

*hmmm...did i just extracted some *creative juice* in me?*
YAY I was able to write something!

Last Working day @ 22!

2009-11-27T04:51:41Z

Time flies indeed.
As in suuuper fly!

Wish I could write a lot today but tons of work waiting.

Will just post this sweetest thing...

Unexpectedly got this from a sweet anonymous someone...
ANONYMOUS? haha
Infairness...he's got the style...

It made my day!
♥♥♥

Off to Quezon later, will try to write more while there...
see u LJ when im 23! yay!

One day, you look at your life, and it has purpose,
and someone that makes you feel very special, and friends, and family.
And it's like, all of a sudden, all that time and pain that it took to get there,
it just ...doesn't matter anymore.
And...you're just thankful for everything!
-HN

UPDATE: hindi daw xa yung nagbigay : /
UPDATE *again*: Xa ang nagbigay! ahhh the sweetest! *superkilig*

♥♥♥

2009-11-20T10:15:28Z

20th is a really really sweet crazy day! : )

LOOK!

and that costs me less than a thousand pesos, like 782 to be exact. Seriously!

After yesterday's FB post of sir bry about SG's recovery from recession,
plus this SUDDEN piso fare same from 5J
Can I now assume these are all signs??? haha

I so love seat sale.
I just wish we'd know "his" date already and then I get to find a seat sale for "him" and "us". YAY!

Another 20th to remember! : )

*my head freakin ache coz of the craziness of this day...i cant afford to blog more...unfortunately we werent able to purchase tickets for new moon later... this day would have been really really really grand. hihi. anyway "that" (points above) is enough to "make" this day.*

Im such a lucky girl. really! haha.

"Let your fears prepare you, but don't let them stop you."
-ralphmarston

random again.

2009-11-10T12:42:56Z

I am so busy today but I thought I should blog a little coz these thoughts may slipped.
Did you know that I have this strange habit of analyzing (even guessing) why a certain person like a certain song?
I dont know why really, I just do.
Sometimes I'm brave enough to ask the person why, but most of the time i keep it to myself.
Instead I do the math, I mean the guessing game. hehe
I just find it interesting. Does that make me weird? : )
And I have this habit of goggling lyrics, songmeanings and internalizing each and everyline of the song.
hmmm nosey? maybe, I just enjoy it, I dont know.
And I think about the writer, what's he like, how'd she/he come up with it, the song facts of course.
And I read each and everyone's interpretation of the song and imagine what each persons like, her age maybe, how come she interpreted it that way, etc.
ok ok. is this freaky already? haha or just normal?
Had I known id be this "mindful" of how people think/react i would have taken psychology instead! : )

I'm not sure if this is bad or not, if its normal or sort of freaky already.
All I know is I do it because Im curious, and I find it really really interesting.
Ugh, now i feel so not normal. haha
or im just so tired i should go home instead of writing this. haha
ok ok im gonna post, sayang namang ang type.

Plus, Im gonna share this song...
Been listening to this almost all day!

It's a beautiful happy song for me.
I find it realistic as to what exactly happens to a relationship sometimes.
It happens, doubt happens.
Negative thoughts are like viruses, we often have no idea of how it get to us but we do know we can get rid of it.
We have insecurities, we have trust-issues, we fear things with no proper basis or reasoning at all...
BUT what's important is because of love, we decide to let it pass and remind ourselves again of what we "really" have...
Again, its all just a matter fighting for it, fighting for something right and will make you happy... : )

Please note, im not feeling any insecurity at all today. haha defensive. ok, admittedly, I do feel "different" at times, which i think is normal, We all do feel that way sometimes. But really, today, I am perfectly fine and sure of some things..... : )

.

"Even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other,
it's one day closer to the next time you will."
-Peyton Sawyer

What the movie did to me.

2009-10-29T11:12:38Z

I wonder why I am so into romantic-comedies with weird endings.
It's even a life-altering experience to me.
Does that make me a masochist?
: )

Anyway, I saw this movie last night and I super-duper loved it.

It find it very interesting and so true.
Oh well it was a fiction but lets accept the grim reality that yeah that story happens.
There could be times in our life that we were once a summer or we could have been tom, right?

Anyway, what did the movie did to me? (in no order)

It left me staring on my screen for few minutes unsure of what exactly to think, or feel? haha Thats how good (i mean unpredictable) the ending was.
Made me appreciate 60's or 70's music more!
Made me confused of who exactly I have a crush on, was it Joseph? or Zooey?
Ended up clicking "pause" and "rewind" button coz some line wont sink in. Great use of metaphors, very nice script.
Now I think I wanna name my (future) daughter Zooey or maybe summer? comon.
Made me want to sit in a park with someone and scream words i wont dare say in front of the public then laugh like no one's watching and say with confidence, “Who cares, I’m happy, We're happy!”*
Made me appreciate the beauty of random places and being alone sometimes, beauty of riding the train or a bus...
Inspired me to be like Summer, who knew when to give all or reserve some for herself, who had the courage to decide when to step back or take the leap, who knew when the answer was “no” or when it was time to say “yes”. *
Made me want to be someone’s Summer, to feel how it’s like to be someone’s obsession again.*
Inspired me to be like Tom, who loved like he’s not scared of getting his heart broken, who found strength to get out of whatever rut he’s in to find (and fight for) what made him happy, who had the courage to love, to get hurt, to feel.*
Reminded me of how its like to be someone's summer and how it's like to be tom.

* (exact words copied from Gchic's blog, i find some of her description precise of what i felt too.)

It was a beautiful, beautiful movie.
Not the usual happy-ever-after, fairtytale sort of endings but it was worth it.
I enjoy a story which ends differently, although at some point I also worry that the same may happen to me or the relationship I have.
Admit it or not, most of the time we try to relate, even connect our reality to what's fiction.
I do.
BUT as much as posibble I try not to over-analyze myself and the relationship I have, then screw-up.
Instead, i focus on the learnings and realizations.
Why worry over the unknowns?
Only God knows if I'll be just someone's summer or just someone's tom.
This is life, it happens, stories end differently.
And Besides, definitely one day, He will give me that "sweet ending" I''ve always wish for.

For now, let's wait and see.....I'll just try hard to be like summer and tom all at the same time, someone who knows when to give all or reserve some for herself, who have the courage to decide when to step back or take the leap, who knows when the answer is “no” or when it's time to say “yes”. Someone who loves like she’s not scared of getting her heart broken, who finds strength to get out of whatever rut she’s in to find (and fight for) what makes her happy, who has the courage to love, to get hurt, to feel.

"You can't ascribed great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event..."
-narrator from the movie.

Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She's real.
-Paul

I love how she makes me feel...like anything is possible, like i don't know, like life is worth it.
-Tom

hmmm....

2009-10-26T12:21:36Z

i'm off to sleep waging war to shake the poet and the beat.....

hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me.....

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
- Confucius

20th! : )

2009-10-20T11:35:17Z

I'm suppose to do something extra-sweet today! yay!
but to this hour i dont think iv come up with something.
Work sucks! haha kidding...

anyway im just gonna share something worthwhile (i hope) : )
a frend suddenly popped up in YM and we had a nice chat.....or rather an interesting one...
here's how the conversation went...

SI FRIEND..Hi hann.. Huhu..

AKO : o baket?

SI FRIEND: ..Mhbang kwen2..Hehe..E2 maga ang mga mata p dn.. Musta kn p0h??..

AKO): nyaiks...

AKO: ok namn po...SL ako yesterday...

AKO: hay “friend” lilipas din yan..

SI FRIEND: ..Hhmmpp.. Grbe mga ngyayari skn.. Nbbgla n nmn q.. Kslanan q xe..

AKO: and only if u decide to forget thats the only time u can do so...

AKO: baket ano ngyayare?

SI FRIEND: ..F0rget??Pan0??

AKO: divert ur attention...

AKO: stop thinking about him...

AKO: more importantly STOP communicating with him for a while..

AKO: do it for urself...if u wanna forget wat ur feeling..

AKO: and eventually kapg ok ka na..YUNG SURE na ok ka na..then thats the only time u allow urself to talk to him again...

SI FRIEND: ..Lm m0 khap0n nung knausap q xa.. Ang sb nya gwn q ung gnwa nya.. St0p tinking.. Taz mghanap ng iba..

AKO: which is correct..

AKO: stop talking to him..

AKO: maghanap ng iba is NOT necessary...

AKO mas better if u move on by urself..

AKO para mas makapag mahal ka ng tama dun sa mgiging next..

AKO pgit kase na may panakip butas lang..

AKO believe me mas magiging ok next relationship mo kung marunong ka ng magmahal sa sarili mo..

AKO hindi yung umaasa ka lang sa pagmamahal ng ibang tao..

AKO thas based on???

SI FRIEND..Prang hirap per0 ggwn q xe gan0n dn nmn gnwa nya..

AKO: mahirap talaga pero kaya...

AKO: and do it not because yun dn ang ginawa nya...

SI FRIEND: ..Aahhmm.. Nhhrapan n dn nmn q.. Kya gan0m dn.. Tingin m0 ilang m0s kya 2?..

AKO DO IT FOR URSELF..

AKO: hmmm depende kung gano ka kadisiplinado..

AKO: dapat wala talaga munang communication..even text...

SI FRIEND: ..Pan0ng disiplinad0??..

AKO: and u do worthy stuffs than entertain ur feelings...

SI FRIEND: ..Eh xe c0mm0n frend.. Ung mga frend nya nging frend q.. So,minsan nkkta q xa.. Gus2 q umiwas.. 0k lng b un?

AKO: yep pero wag obvious...

AKO: and pwede mo namn makita e..

AKO: basta wag mo ientertain yung narramdaman mo..

AKO: like dont look at him..or titigan xa like u used to...

AKO: and wag mo na muna xa kausapin unless necessary...

SI FRIEND: ..Ung lbasan q ng sama ng l0ob ung bestfrend q.. Kapatid nya.. Llake.. Kya cgur0 kmustahan lng taz nd n xa ng0l skn.. So, iiwas dn q dun sknya?

AKO: becoz the more u talk to him mas mahirap kontrolin yung mga memories mo...

AKO: nag ano?

AKO: hindi mo kelangn umiwas sa ibang tao dear...

AKO: actually ang kalaban mo lang namn talag SARILI mo e...

SI FRIEND: ..Knna,nd q nk2l0g.. Bgla xang naalala q.. Ung swtnes,care,t0tful..Etc.. Prang nggcng q xa kgd pmps0k s icp q..

AKO: its ur feelings...ur thoughts..ur actions..

AKO: ganun talaga..mahal mo e...

AKO: and it will feel that way tlaga pag nasany ka..

SI FRIEND: ..Kht s pnginip.. Taz tmatak ung muka ng gurl nung nkslub0ng q..

AKO: hay “friend”...

AKO: decide if u wanna forget him...

AKO: if ur decided then u will try to control urself already...

SI FRIEND: ..Yes.. I will.. But, i fil so sad c0z 0f his pr0mise.. Nmmis q xa..

AKO: wel ganun talaga...

AKO: sabi ko nga mahal mo e..

AKO: and in understand..

AKO: been there done that...

AKO: dont wori one day tatawanan mo na lang lahat yan..

SI FRIEND: ..Alm m0 pnaasa nya q.. Sinanay nga q.. Pnrmdam nya nung kme n mhal nya tlga q.. Kya cgur0 hirap qng i let g0.. But dis s d reality.. Were n0t meant 2 b.. So, g0 on??.. F0rget??.. And b thnkful n lng s mga mem0irs??..

AKO: hmm ganun na nga..

AKO: dont hate him...

AKO: its better kung hindi..

AKO: look at the brighter side and move on..

SI FRIEND: ..Yap.. Lm m0 nnbag0 q s mga araw.. Ung tip0ng ala n tlga.. Ung sumusund0 skn, ung pnpuntahan q s bhay nila, ung mga frend nya.. Prang nnbag0 tlga q.. Ang hrap pla..

SI FRIEND: ..Pr0mise.. Ttandaan q at ggwn q ung mga advce m0.. F0r myself..

SI FRIEND: ..Kht mhrap.. Kht ngiba n ngaun.. Kht mei nmmis.. F0rget.. M0ve0n..

AKO: hay ayan nakafocus ka pa sa wala...i know na mahirap pero focus sa mga natira..

AKO: kaya mo yan..

SI FRIEND: ..Thx hann..

AKO: no prob...

SI FRIEND: ..Yap.. Kkynin.. Prang filing q ang dameng mbbag0 skn n d pr0cess..

AKO: make sure that "change will be for the better"

SI FRIEND: .. Aahhmm.. D muna q ssma s mga frend nmen?.. Eh aun n lng ung nppuntahan q.. S bhay, mgisa n lng q.. Uuwe.. Mgisa n lng.. Ala ng ttwg at mgttx skn.. Huhu..

AKO: wel sabi ko nga its ok to go out with ur frends...

SI FRIEND: ..Change in r0utine.. Per0 in my behavi0r,attude.. H0pe 4 a better.. G0d has purp0se f0r dis..

AKO (10/20/2009 10:07:33 AM): yep...

AKO: and magsimba ka..and pray for it..

SI FRIEND: ..Eh mga frend nya un n ngng cl0se q.. F0r sure lagi dn xang ksma dun.. Mkkta q lng cla..

AKO: ahhh...

AKO: ikaw...

AKO: kung di mo pa makokontrol to co exist with him...

SI FRIEND: ..Yap.. I wil.. Filing q 2l0y ngiisa q..

AKO: nge..

AKO: hehe..

AKO: feeling lang yan...

SI FRIEND: ..0o kya.. Uuwe q mgisa.. M22l0g n lng.. Ung mga frend nga nmen.. Ngstart n clang nd q k0ntakin..

AKO: wel dadating din yung panahon na may makakasama ka..

SI FRIEND: ..Wel, pngtakpan p nga nila ung x q.. Kya prang nwalan n dn q ng twala sknla..

AKO: hindi ka namn habambuhay magisa...

AKO: at tska ano gusto mo, lagi kang may kasama pero nasasaktan ka?

AKO: o wala ka munang kasama and masaktan for while pero maging beter din ang evntually makilala yung tamng tao...

AKO: life is just amatter of lookin at the right perspective...

SI FRIEND: ..Sbgay tama k.. Mkksma q nga xa per0 nssktan nmn q xe alm q at pprmdam nya lng n ala n xang l0ve skn.. Wel, sna dumating c mr 0ne 4 me..

AKO: dadating un...isipin mo dadating...

SI FRIEND: ..Aahhmm, pan0 un??.. S ngaun xe sknya lng q ngkr0n ng lyf (frend,gala,time) let.. Kung balak q f0rget xa.. San q mddivert ung attenti0n q?.. Mghanap q ng 0rganzti0n?

SI FRIEND: ..Pan0 xa ddating??.. Kung ang mgging buhay q n lng..Pas0k..Uwe..2l0g..

AKO: do something more worthwhile..

AKO: not really org but keep in touch with other frends or damily oriented ka muna...

AKO: or workmates...

AKO: basta something else, new...

SI FRIEND: ..Mali pla ung ssnayin m0 ang sarili m0 sknya.. At issuffer ang ibang bagay at sknya lng iik0t ang buhay m0..Xe pgnwala xa.. Mhrap..

AKO: and wag mo muna isipn kung pano may dadating...dahil dadating at dadating na lang yun ng di mo napapansin....

AKO: KOREK!

AKO: mali tlaga..

AKO: hindi pa kayo mag asawa at may sariling pamilya para gawin yan..

AKO and btw khit nga mag asawa kahit papano may sariling life pa rin dapat...

SI FRIEND: ..Lm m0 nmn xe mga frend q,pr0blemad0 s mga asawa at anak.. Mga c0uz q.. Pur0 s bhay lng n0od,in0m.. Ska mei mga srili ng buhay..Mga l0velyf inaasikas0

AKO: wel gagaya ka na lang ba???

AKO: isip “friend”...

AKO: kung palagay mo tala yun bahala ka....pero kung alam mo na mali bat ka gagaya di ba?

AKO: we have our own freewill..

AKO: hindi porke ginagawa ng ibang tao e gagawin mo na rin...

SI FRIEND: ..Nd nuh,y0ko.. Kya nga,iniicp q kpg mej0 lil0 muna q s mga frend nya at sknya.. Dun q mddvertlyf q.. S mga frend qng mei asawa at c0z q.. Per0 nkkbagay at sama dn q sknla.. Per0 y0ko ng gan0ng buhay.. Kya nga ngiicp q ng ibang pede qng pgtuunan..

AKO: o e alam mo namn na pala e...

AKO: kaya mo yan...

SI FRIEND: ..Ahhmm..Nuh kya pede qng gwn??..

AKO: just focus on ur goals..

AKO: ikaw lang nakakaalm nyan...

SI FRIEND: ..E1 q pra xeng gala qng ta0 at gus2 q s mdameng frend.. 

AKO: o e hindi namn mali yun a...

SI FRIEND: ..Eh limited n lng mga mssmahan q??..

AKO: hay...

AKO: makulit ka din...

SI FRIEND: ..Aahhmm.. Tama k p0h.. Aq lng nkkaalam.. Wui.. Thx al0t ah..

AKO: weigh if gusto mo talagang sumama pa rin sa mga comon frends mo go, basta control ur feelings and cguraduhin mo that ur with not becoz of him...

AKO: yan ang sinasabi kong discipline “friend”...

SI FRIEND: ..Hehe. Mkulet tlga q.. Haha.. Wui, gumaan l0ob q.. Ngkar0n q ng mga idea.. At ung willingnes q n mgm0ve0n.. Ska nkpgicp q..

AKO: mahirap talaga iconvince ang sarili...

AKO: i sound like an ate..hays!

AKO: hehe good...

AKO: minsan talaga masarap magisip...

AKO: im just here...

SI FRIEND: ..Haha.. Cgur0 ngaun nd muna q ssma xe alm q s srili q n nd q p kya at mssktan lng q.. Bsta, mei g0al q.. Aun n lng muna.. Ntndhin.. Ngkamali q date n xa lng ang gus2 q..

AKO: ayan...thats right..

SI FRIEND(10/20/2009 10:34:18 AM): ..Naicp q ngaun.. Prang mas madame k png pedeng mgwa.. Nd lng un ang buhay.. Nuh n nmn kung mei nbg0 s r0utine ng lyf.. Eh d humanap at mgicp ng better dan b4..

AKO: tel that to urself everyday ok!

AKO: korek...

AKO: good good..

SI FRIEND: ..0k hann.. Wui.. Thnksal0t ah.. S0bra..

AKO: basahin mo yung mga pinagsasabi mo kanina ha...basahin mo everyday ok..

SI FRIEND: ..Hann.. Mwaahh.. Mwaahh.. Mwaahh.. L0veyuhal0t..

AKO: no prob...my pleasure to help...sabi ko nga i know how hard that is...

AKO: dnt wori matatapos din yan..

AKO: and mahahanp mo rin yung tamang guy..

SI FRIEND: ..Hehe.. Galeng tlga ni hann.. Dameng exprience.. Thx thx.. Cgur0 kya k ganyan k str0ng matured xe s mga npgdaanan m0.. So, mining.. Aq dn sumday mgging str0ng..At msya..

AKO: nyay!

AKO: haha...

AKO: wel korek that iv matured and naging strong becoz of evything na ngyare...so believe that u can also...

sori if u had a hard time reading my frends msg, believe me i got dizzy too! haha...
she's just like that...
Anyway, hopefully i was able to enlighten her somehow...
cant actually belive i've matured..oh well did i? haha.. i think so...
i feel good that iv passed that stage and now helping someone else get over it as well...
All i've said are based on what I did way back...
I feel fortunate that i have no bitterness in anyway to what happened before and even grateful to "them" and for all the lessons i've learned...
As of this moment, I can confidently say that i'm thankful for who i've become because of all that...
keeping my fingers crossed and praying that i need not go through another stage of like that, this time...
Oh well I have this feeling I wont... : )

Going back,
Its been how many 20?
I think i stopped counting anymore....
because again, I have this feeling there will be a lot lot MORE of wonderful 20's....

Finally!
last minute creative-juice kicked in!
iv come up with something to make this day a lil sweet and special...
with an inspiration from the conversation and from this photo...

i thought of writing you again...

To my Rz,

I know...
Things aren't perfect.
Distance is not easy.
Time difference do hinder.
But what's important is what "we" have , what "we" feel,
And how we work on it.

Please know...
that I do love "what" I have and "who" I have now...
Time will come for us mydear, it will...

-your kismet

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves"
-Victor Frankl

yuck! haha..

2009-10-16T10:46:36Z

curious of the title?

Well, because I was listening to "Drops of Jupiter" ALL DAY....Naalala ko tuloy tong video na to, and the title was inspired by it, haha.... First time I saw this was months ago already but when I heard the song (again), I immediately remember the sooo cute wedding video! as in tumatak xa sa utak ko infairnes... Just one google and I found it... .It's stuck in my head because its one of the nicest video iv seen, one of the many faves from Jason Magbanua....song played on the background is super cool and sweet, Plus the couple look so inlove,Yuck! haha...but seriously for me its really really cute, funny and so light, just the right blend, which made the whole video (and probably even the wedding itself) great! : )

here's the link...

Camille and Rey: If you listen closely …

And so, I come before you now in front of our families and friends and before God.
with a heart that is in awe at God's unfolding plans
and overwhelmed with immense gratitude
that we are now here today
to declare that , I love you...
-Camille

Just sharin...

2009-10-15T11:02:07Z

I’ve been weirdly anxious and restless the passed days.

Why? I don’t know. : (

Basta there are mornings I’d feel worried, bored, lazy, depressed? and all other negative stuffs.

Is this midlife crisis already? Haha

I know I know I’ve been blessed and kung tutuusin ok namn, not everything is perfect pero wala rin namng mabigat na problema so I’m not sure what’s behind all the drama.

Are these hormones? Or the “plan” has something to do with this? Ughhh, basta weird.

And so Ive been struggling to divert attention.

Badtrip kase wala ng facebook, diverting would have been easier, anjan ang pet society, ang farm town and my newest addiction, ang café world. Haha.

I’m not into games really but I must admit the “fever” got me. I mean somehow, it did, it is addicting.

Cafe World is a game which made me dream of really putting up my own café and settling a goal to make it BIG and pretty. Plus I get to cook, I get to renovate the place, I had to budget blah blah. Childish I know but it was really fun. : )

Kaso yun nga, most social networking sites are blocked here, even youtube sometimes, I do use proxy sites to at least update myself of the FB posts, kaso hindi namn ako makacomment, and I cant even post, which is quite frustrating. Hayy ayun I think that adds to the boredom. Did I just mention all the negative stuffs?

Oh well, despite all that pinangako ko namn sa sarili ko that I will always try (at least try) to uplift my soul.

Lalo na kung wala namn talagang dahilan to feel down or get depressed, why waste time sucking all the negative energy right? And because most of the time “I feel sick” is when Im here in the office, I try to seek help from our friendly neighborhood….. World-Wide-Web, woohoo! : )

To date, below has been very helpful.

Twitter.

I love to read and this is the perfect site if you’re nosey about anything and everything under the sun, in short this site is sooo for me. It’s hard to explain how but seriously this site is hard-core-information-overload.

Youtube.

Another site of random stuffs. Goodthing it isn’t block sometimes. Youtube is everything and anything under the sun, thus this is another site for me! From the most Hilarious to the most sensible videos, its all in this roof.

Vtunnel (the proxy site).

Need I explain? At least I get to login at facebook and read what people are up to, more importantly what “he” is up to. It’s just frustating at times that I cant post anything, but focusing on the fact that at least I get to “login”, I should still be thankful.

Flickr.

Beautiful beautiful photos are my theraphy. It brings back the dreams and hopes. I’ve been lurking at this site even before but only recently that I get to visit it this often. Shots of random people are amazing, it shows their personality, their values, etc. Frequent visit to Flickr made me wanna promise myself that one day im gonna take pictures too, pictures that would show capture “something” not just “someone”, picture na may “kwento” as we normally calls it. It’s addicting to stare @ a photo which captures what exactly u feel, or wanna express.

Jasonmagbanua.com

The guy is a genious. And, How many times do I have to mention that I love weddings. : )
I am definitely so inlove with weddings.
Plus, videos made by this guy and his team is wayy amazing. Believe me or not whenever I feel weirdly down and Im to lazy to ready or think or do something, I just watch a couple of videos from here and Im fine. It gives a sort-of magic inspiration, I dont know. haha Does that mean I am now officially extra-weird?

PS22 Chorus.

I really really have to mention them. These kids are amazing! Listening at them made me feel relaxed. It made me focus on positive stuffs instead of all the drama. Nakakahawa yung energy nila, yung spark in their eyes, their smiles are really convincing. That must be called PASSION. They love what they’re doing, they love to sing. Plus, it is so obvious that they have a great teacher whose as passionate as they are. I love them, as in. Im into choirs by the way, like being part of it is one of my frustrations in life. Haha kidding. I just love chorales esp. yung puro kids, I love it.

Oh well….

Is my post interesting? Is it even worth reading? Gah I doubt! haha

I’ve been wanting to write more sensible stuffs but instead settle to this.

Mukang hindi gumagana ang mga creative juices ko. Inspiration, where are you? Haha

Anyways, in the next days im gonna attempt to write something….

Like another realization maybe…

I’ve been having accidental interesting conversations with random people recently.

It made me think more about how/who I am, my plans, my goals, the kind of relationship I have with my family, friends and him - life in general.
Im gonna try to write again soon....

And hopefully I get to be creative enough not to bore you next time. haha

*After readin my post I realized Ive been good at diverting attention lately,
perhaps I'm getting used to it already.
I feel better now.
Indeed, Life is just a matter of lookin at the right perspective.
The Glass is always Half full.*

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
-John Lubbock

definitely worth the post...

2009-09-30T04:16:58Z

This is a repost from a UP friend’s Facebook’s note about her family’s typhoon Ondoy experience which I think (too) is worth sharing.

Times like this, one may say that “I lost everything.” In our case, WE REGAINED SOMETHING.

We regained the love and respect for and from each member of our family. We regained moments with each other, which we have frequently taken for granted. It was only yesterday that I was able to hug my Ate, shed a tear with her again and shared a good laugh with my Kuya over a ridiculous radio ad. It’s at this time that I truly appreciated my siblings because I know they will be there should I be in this situation. And because they are now living with us, we are now together as one family every single day, instead of twice or thrice a week. We’re even sharing wi-fi access at home and accessing FB all at the same time.

We regained friends — those we thought we have already lost in the way but are now sending text messages of comfort, asking how we are and offering their help and those we have never thought of taking this experience with us.

Most importantly, we regained our faith because of the continuous blessings that we receive from the Lord despite the losses.

My Ate says her biggest realization is that she didn’t possess anything. Except for some valuables, she’s almost ready to get rid of everything in their house. And I think that is not a matter of being proud that she has the resources to replace these material things. It is the strength to let go of fond memories in their house and move on, which is very hard to do at this stage of this tragedy, It is a simple reminder that life is really temporary and while we are able and capable, we need to invest not on worldly riches but on reliable friends, a strong and intact family and a healthy life.

More than anything else, we are blessed because our loved ones are not only safe, but they were spared from any physical hardship and traumatic experience as well. I couldn’t imagine my 7-year old nephew being trapped in that attic for more than 12 hours, nor my sister having to worry about her husband’s health, Miguel, Marlyn, their safety, the house and their belongings all at the same time. Moreso, the 4 of them being stuck on the rooftop and waiting endlessly for rescue. Again, we are blessed because they are alive and unharmed.

I think it is also a blessing that we are given the opportunity to see the beauty amidst disaster, people’s kindness and generosity despite fight for survival, unity bridging physical and social barriers, cheerful smiles in times of hardships, and will instead of hopelessness.

These are the true reasons why we are blessed.

" Happy is the person who does not show hatred over what is lost,
but instead,shows gratefulness over what is left."
-tweet from Mariel

Weekend after SG.

2009-09-28T05:11:24Z

Written September 26th, habang kasagsagan ng bagyong Ondoy, i found clarity...

I’ve been wanting to write the past few days. I wanted to gather my thoughts and finally come up with a plan, a decision.

Its been 5 days since I left Singapore.

Gusto ko sanang ikwento o ilarawan ang lahat ng nakita, natikman, o naranasan ko pero I guess this space wouldn’t be enough and besides sa dami ng pictures na naiupload ko facebook, ok na siguro yon. ; )

Here, I’ll try to let out my thoughts, my feelings.

I wont deny the fact na lakwatsera ako, going places gives me extreme joy and I’ve mention that several times already. When I bought the ticket for SG more than 3 months ago my thought was, finally one of the ultimate dream will come true, to go out of the country. At first, I didn’t have much plan because all I wanted was to experience it, along the way I’ve decided I should try to find a job in my super short visit. But fast forward to September 12^th, I didn’t pack any business attire for a job interview, I didn’t even printed any resume. Looking back, I can now admit I wasn’t “really” for the job, I was for the experience. I wanted to see the place, their way of life, taste their food, and all other nonsense. Why? Because I just wanted to and because somehow gusto kong malaman kung gusto ko talagang magwork dito este doon.

I arrived wee hours of September 13^th, I had this weird feeling dunpagkasakay ko pa lang sa taxi from the airport. I don’t know, I was like, are they speaking in english? Oh wel they are but how come I cant understand it and it kinda annoyed me. Yes, it was their accent considering helow it was just the accent. Nanibago agad ako, I didn’t feel safe at first because of the (I thought) language barrier. Come morning, with the sun now up, I was able to see how beautiful singapore is, from the window pa lang yon ha. Tita Riza and Tita del plus tito francis and ate libay were welcoming, I didn’t had any problem with that. I was shy at first pero eventually it turned out well. Then tita del and I went to sentosa. She oriented me about traffic rules and taught me how to ride a bus and train and taxi, the basics. That moment I felt safe, I was comfortable. That first day was very exhilarating but I must say it’s one of the most memorable. Halos lahat ata ng makita kong bago sa paningin ko super namamangha ako, and funny because I always mention “kung andito lang si tatay or nanay or si papa or si zaldy blah blah….” And we will just laugh at it ni tita del. That day I realized how I badly wanted to share the experience with them. I wanted them to see what I saw, to eat what I ate, to ride what I rode etc etc., if only I can or Im able to bring them there. That night pa lang my thoughts were how can I bring them there, how can make them experience this. And I felt fears that I may not be able to, hindi lang resources kalaban ko, Im even battling with time.

As days went by I fell inlove with the city. It’s such a comfortable place, e tourist pa lang ako nyan ha. Andami daming makikita, magagawa, plus its very peaceful and napaka in order. I must say there are a lot of rules pero I don’t know why nakapadali namang sundin ng rules nila and it seems everyone are obeying it. SG is full of disciplined people I guess and kahit pa siguro hindi ka disiplinado kapag napunta ka dun ul get inspired to be the same.

I had a longer stay than usual tourists, and so I was able to observe their way of lives in a lot deeper way. Besides, most of the time mag isa lang ako roaming around and that’s the perfect time to get along with other people. Sobrang diverse ng lugar as in iba ibang lahi na, kahit sa mga hindi tourist destinations like the train itself or sa bus iba ibang kulay na talaga, and it amazes me that u wont feel any discrimination at all. Oh well, present pa rin namn daw and racial discrimination sa work or job application sometimes, which for me is somehow a norm kahit saang lugar. I’ve also notice na kahit bihira ang makikita mong security even in public places e malinis at peaceful pa rin, well lighted ang mga lugar and properly utilized lahat ng spaces, as in nakakamangha. Hmmm Ok ok, I should stop making kwento at how singapore amazed me dahil baka wala na kong maisulat dito kundi as in or super or sobra. ; )

Let’s move on when I was buying all the pasalubong, believe it or not most of my money e nagastos sa pagkain at pasalubong. Hehe I tried to be as experimental as possible with food and I think I succeded with that. While I was doin the shopping for pasalubong (naks shopping, haha) nahirapan ako becoz parang andaming dapat pasalubungan, haha. But you know what I really enjoyed doin it, buying something for each and everyone, ansarap sarap sa pakiramdam. It was another bliss I suppose. Totoo talaga na its better to give than to receive, as I grow older I get to understand the real meaning of this, does it comes with age? Hehe. Then ok namn I had several sessions of buying some pasalubong and to date I think meron namn akong nabili/nabigay na something for important people. Ewan ko ba but each activity na ginawa ko I get to discover more of myself, as if everything are just making sense and I get to listen to my thoughts clearly. Apparently, despite naririnig ko yung sarili ko, naguluhan pa rin ako and I refuse to answer some questions. (hehe confusing I know, I was as confused )

Marami akong napuntahan sobra and while I was there at kahit saan ako mapunta I kept thinking of one question, gusto ko ba dito???? Pero hindi ko masagot. No doubt if you ask me Gusto ko ba ang singapore, il definitely say yes pero with the other question ewan ko bat nahirapan akong sagutin, or natakot/natatakot lang ako.

Many times I was with gara and her new friends I would observe their point of views and their way of life. Pinoy na pinoy pa rin, para nga lang nasa pinas except that they’re earning dollars or they will. Pinoy in a sense na ganun magkwentuhan, ganun maglakwatsa, ganun ang mga priorities yun nga lang parang may nakita akong mas malaking “drive” sa mga mata nila, mas nakita ko yung discipline. Kung tutuusin pareho lang kame and ng mga kasama ko sa bahay dito sa manila at sila gara sa singapore. Pare-pareho na malayo sa pamilya, nagtatrabaho para sa pamilya ang difference mas malayo sila at sigurado ako mas malaki ang kinikita nila. Pero kung iisipin kagaya namin pwede rin namn nila makasama ang pamilya sa panahon na gugustuhin nila, hindi nga lang kasing dalas namin. The Pros and cons of life, of the situation.

Si sir bry naman, I’ve known him for years. And parang nothing has changed with him except that malamang mas naging komportable ang buhay nya. I can sense that he miss his friends here, us, but his ate is there and his job is paying his well di nga lang xa masaya sa trabaho nya but it is paying him so well, At times I’d asked him bat ayaw mong umuwi kung di ka masaya sa trabaho mo, I know how much he likes our “challenging” job in PNA and he’ll just say, kaya ba nila kong paswelduhin ng kagaya ngayon. Point taken, his priorities in life, for now. Fyi, he got his “Permanent Resident” status in less than year, astig di ba, kung ikaw nga namn ang nasa position nya, will you go home? then again, its called "priorities".

Tita riza and tito francis and baby cai, small family starting their lives in SG. Tita Riza has been working there for almost 5 years I suppose, tagal na no, galing. She got married to tito francis 2007, then he went there. Church wedding happened 2008 they were both 28. Baby Cai was born 2009. Ang galing no, sakto sakto lang, parang perfectly planned. Now they’re starting their lives there. Unfortunately hindi pa “PR “ si tita riza coz nakadependent visa sa kanya si tito francis. Oh wel wala namn maxadong difference, mejo may ilang perks lang na wala. Ang importante they’re together and I can sense that they are happy, bonus factor they are independently living in SG, making decision their own, doing whatever they wanna do.

Tita Del, younger sister ni tita riza, she went there late last year. She resigned from her job here and decided na makipagsapalaran don. She has a job now and ok namn, she wil process her papers to be a PR soon. Now she’s been convincing me to do the same and be her roommate. Tempting offer I must say, she’s really really nice. : )

I was there for almost 10 days. Somehow masasabi kong it changed me, that place and experience gave me some sense of inspiration, it liberated me about what I have, I don’t have and what I can do or cannot do. It made me realize some truths about life and living, about loving, and dreaming and making it happen. I know this is getting weird as go along but don’t worry I think maganda namn yung naging result. It made me love life more, it made me more passionate about living, and loving and dreaming. It made me face some hard core truths.

I cried when I arrived home, it was mixed emotions, at first hindi ko marecognized hindi ko mapaliwanag but days past by naintindihan ko na. It was because I was happy and sad at the same time, happy because I was able to go and do all those by myself I mean antapang right and sad at the same time because its over and I’m back to reality, not that I hate reality just that a dream happened and its over, how wish I could have shared it with people I love. Plus, maybe I was crying because nakauwi na lang ako at lahat hindi ko pa rin masagot kung gusto ko ba sa singapore, like stay there, find a job,start a new life, the works. Guilt-trip na din I guess because gumagastos ako ng malaki just for myself yet hindi ko sigurado kung may sense ba yung pagpunta ko don or indulgement lang talaga. Guilt-trip if I deserved all those. Ganun.

Then I had to go back to work, face my reality kahit mahirap mag adjust because I’ve experienced something really masarap. Haha kala mo kung ano pero sabi ko nga it gives me different kind of bliss, kakaiba, next to falling inlove/ loving someone and feeling that he loves you back, ganun yung feeling. Ayon so mga ilang araw din akong ‘aligaga’ sa trabaho. I cant concentrate, sigapore has got me. Tas si ms ces pas was talkin about opportunities there and even lola jul and tita del. Hayyyy naguluhan talaga ko.

I don’t know why I cant say an absolute yes to moving there, I like singapore and yeah to date I think I can answer, I like it there. So you must be asking, what’s holding me? Honestly, it’s taking risks that hold me. Risk that I may not find a job, I may hate the new job if I find one (considerig what Im gonna give up here), risk that I may get so busy na mahirapan kami ng taong sobrang mahal ko to work things out between us, I may miss nanay and tatay and papa so much, yun lang namn. Petty somehow but those are really really important to me especially the last two. Plus, I admit im afraid to start a new life, again.

Saturday now, after reading a lot of inspiring stories the past days and contemplating most nights I ‘ve come up of something. 70/30 Im gonna do it. I will move there early to mid next year. Why? I’ve realize that the pro’s are more than the cons and I’ve certain out again my priorities in life. Im gonna do it for the ones I love. Sobrang gusto ko na matapos as early as possible yung resposibility ko sa bank, para mas makapamuhay na rin ng normal sila nanay. Alam ko mas mapapabilis yun kung asa ibang bansa ako, iv seen the way of life there and I also have an idea sa sweldo, sigurado mas malaki yung maitutulong ko. Next gustong gusto ko na dumating yung panahon na maipasyal sila sa isang lugar na hindi pa nila narating, its not just my dream but theirs too, sigurado ako don. And then, dun sa taong mahal ko I have this feeling na communication will be a lot easier and baka nga mas magkaron pa ng way para magkasama kame kung andon ako I mean compared here, so habang wala pa kaming magawa to be “literally” together il try to explore other world muna, besides why fear na maging busy ako I know hindi ko namn matitiis na maging busy ng sobra at makalimutan ko xa, ako pa. Ayon, so far wala pang maxadong nakakaalam ng lahat ng to, im open to possiblibilities naman I mean anything can happen in few months malayo pa ang next year right but for now that is the plan. I’ll save more for that. I’ll prepare myself financially, physically and emotionally. Im not sure if everyone will agree with that plan yet, pero malamang namn they will. Im worried yes, but I think I have to take risks for my dreams to come true, and sabi nga ni Walt Disney, All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. Im young and I shouldn’t stuck myself here if I can see better opportunities somewhere else. Fulfilling my dreams is what I wanted, and doing things for the ones I love is among the list. I remember the realizations I had months ago, I remember me writing what I wanted and what I wanna achieve. I remember I was all dreamy about making it all happen but the reality is that I don’t know how exactly to make all of it happen. Now that plan is a first step, it can be a big leap kung tutuusin. I have this positive feeling it will, and with that I think my family will all say yes. Now yung sa love department , not sure how this will affect us. Im not even sure how exactly he will react or what will he feel. But he did said “bakit namn hindi”, so I suppose that’s a yes or a maybe or not? (hehe) I’m not sure what his plans are, I mean exact plans so I have no idea if this thing will affect any of his. Bigla ko tuloy naisip what if he has other plans pala, oh wel if he has then we will definitely talk about it, like what I said im open to any possibility. But in case things turned out for my plan I hope it still affects us positively, I hope we still make it, coz in the end it’s still him who I wanna be with, its still where he is I wanna be.

I don’t know what God plan is, it may be different from mine, it may be something more or less than what I wanted. But for sure it’s the best for me, for us. So we will see, for now I’ll work hard on my plan. I’ll focus on a certain timeline like what my hermit suggested. If it happens then it’s for me if not then for sure something else will come. With His guidance everything will fall into place at the right place, at the right time. Amen? Amen.

: )

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”
-Douglas H Everett

heizeline @ 2009-09-07T18:27:00

2009-09-07T10:31:27Z

Read this artik today and thought of posting in here coz i really wanna keep it and be reminded of it as years go by...

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30

This 1997 Glamour article has become a popular web chain letter, usually titled “Maya Angelou’s Best Poem Ever.” Glamour contributor Pamela Redmond Satran is flattered, but she wrote the list, updating it in 2005.

February 1, 2007

Pamela Redmond Satran

In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.” (After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By all means, add some of your own.

By 30, you should have:

One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
A youth you’re content to move beyond.
A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
The belief that you deserve it.
A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

How to fall in love without losing yourself.
How you feel about having kids.
How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
When to try harder and when to walk away.
How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
How to take control of your own birthday.
That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
Why they say life begins at 30.

I wonder what/where/how will I be when I turn 30???
hmmmm..
one things for sure....im gonna try really hard to achieve all of the above! haha...
really nice artik...really really nice...
fave part?
A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

"Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what u gotta get"

20th!!!

2009-08-20T11:30:50Z

I've been thinking of something a lil "special" to do today...
and i thought of....
POSTING OUR PICS!

it was a very nice & memorable first day!
: )

"Just one touch took away my breath
When you drew me in I could not resist
You captivate my soul, I'm enraptured
You knocked me out and you locked me up
Stole my heart like a thief at love
Keep me here in your happy ever after
I'm captured...."

and because...

2009-08-17T11:25:11Z

I was a lil too shy to post this in facebook....haha
soooo im posting it here!!! : )

Its sooo cool!
hayayay!
ive always prefer something thats not so grand
and having a middle class life would be suited.
i really wish it happens.
especially the husband and the kids part...*winks*
im not in a hurry though
kaya ko pa namn (ata) maghintay ng 10 years. HAHA

btw, i just hope the 100K bucks there is in USD! not peso! lols
oh well...
material stuffs are just bonus!
and the "dying @ age 90"???
thats a good one
but i have one request....
please make my "husband" live longer??? hehe!

"With all the adversity try to remember that it is happening FOR you, not happening TO you.
Seize the opportunity in it & you'll find the gift. "
-rephrased mrskutchers tweet

12.08.2009

2009-08-12T10:25:17Z

Dear Bro,

Please help me listen more..never doubt...and believe....

P.S.
It's tatay's birthday today, thank you for the year that passed, please help him stay healthy, and guide him and bless him and make him feel my love, our love.

Thank you for everything, thank you for this day. Love you bro.

"We need to be able to make use of what happens to us — all of it — whether we find ourselves at the top of a mountain or at the bottom of the sea."
-Norman Fischer

way affected...sniff sniff

2009-08-10T12:06:48Z

A Letter of Ninoy to his Daughter....

August 18, 1973
FortBonifacio
Makati, Rizal
Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City

My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.
The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion, where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love.. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.
From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.

Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island. Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.
Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.

Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.

You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.

I love you, Dad

As mentioned in my title...
i am way affected...
I wont elaborate nor define what exactly im feelin or how...even why...
i wouldnt do justice anyway....
BUt im fine...things cant be perfect...and some things are really just the way they are...

I fell inlove with ninoy right after I read it.
thats one of the best letter ever.
I can only imagine how great was he as a father and as a husband i suppose..
judging from what iv read, he was awesome. not perfect, but tryin to be the best father he cud be...
Im not wishing for another father, of course, I love my father just the way he is...with all his imperfections.
But yeah I admit, Im only wishing and hoping that in the future, may the father of my kids be as affectionate, as loving, as attached to his kids as ninoy was...

random i know.....
this was a long day......
and yeah some stuffs are sinking in.....
i miss him... im crying now... : (
please take care of him....
i hope things get better soon.... this i think is the longest.....
i shall stop writing now.
it wil get better..
i believe it will....
i stay hopeful, smilin now....

"Children lean to smile from their parents"

first week of August...

2009-08-07T10:35:17Z

JULY is over!
-the busiest month for 2 years now!
and the coming years..hopefully..haha
I could probably sum it up with below realization...

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength...
while loving someone deeply gives you courage...
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides : )"

-Lao Tzu/David Viscott

"his" day!

2009-07-24T11:44:41Z

He is the cutest! : )

almost 24 years ago! hahaa...

love you bes...

hope you like the video....

plus...i have one more....
you know where to find it "cinderello" : )
Happy birthday!

"A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried. "

-Dorothea Kent

hey!

2009-07-20T11:38:44Z

20^thtoday!

No I didn’t forget….

Im suppose to do something extra sweet today….but im still a busy bee..and the past days had been jampacked…so….just wait for the “grand pambawi….”

*smiles*

And by the way, I get to spend my WHOLE SUNDAY with my father! It was soooo cool! Love it..and him… : )

Bro....thank YOU.... : )

"Explore. Dream. Discover."

-from bf's FB

So.....

2009-07-15T04:48:47Z

It’s been a year….

I badly wanna write….

But works piling up and I can barely catch up with things i have to do (work & non-work)…why oh why..im such a busy bee the past days…what’s with this month????

Oh well…its fun anyway….its getting really hmmm fun..and currrazy…haha…

You may be wondering why..its actually a bit long story...

Things aren’t exactly goin perfectly my way…but at least it isn’t goin somewhere else…hmm anu daw???... : )

Basta basta….

I wish I could share every bit of my lil thoughts here…but I just can’t…

All I can say is……I am good…and I think we’re good…and well…things will be good hopefully… : )

So….

what’s with today?

Hmmm..wala namn maxado…

I just woke up fine..and dandy…despite lack of sleep for the past what,weeks?

I don’t know…

maybe because I’ve decided to look at this on a different perspective…

Am I making sense? Haha..

Ok ok…..im a busy bee and I like it….

Plus….

Exactly on this day last year….he visited!
And well...things changed..we changed..
a lovely change...i suppose...
And the story went on.... nyay!
I actually can't believe much yet that A YEAR had passed...

Mixed thoughts..mixed emotions..

But yeah..i choose to look at the brighter side…

Lets do…

I wish I could write more…

Or at least make kwento of what happened and whats happening..but nahhh I cant….

Hopefully this post will make you feel what im feeling…

Hopefully! : )

"....It is...What it is...."

ive decided...

2009-07-06T10:08:21Z

that i should post....
pardon that i just can't wear my heart on my sleeve "here"...
but i do have some sensible stuffs to offer anyway..
been reading A LOT lately..
and here's one artik i found somewhere....
iv always been a fan of "youngblood" and i can't believe i've miss this one before...

Life’s curveballs

By Jennifer Galang
Inquirer
Last updated 02:51am (Mla time) 05/24/2007

MANILA, Philippines -- Too many times I have been asked, by foreigners and fellow citizens alike, why Filipino professionals leave our country to work abroad.

On one occasion in Tokyo, a light dinner conversation took a more serious turn when my American friend brought that subject up. “Everywhere in the US,” he said, “There are Filipino doctors, nurses and IT and business professionals like you. If you all go back to the Philippines, you could easily drive your economy to a boom,” he said.

I was quick to argue. I am, after all, one of these professionals. “It’s not like most of them have a choice,” I said. “People leave because otherwise their families back home wouldn’t have anything to eat.”

“True, but not for you. Your families are well-off,” he said, referring to me and another Filipino at the table, a lawyer who’s also working here in Tokyo. I almost choked on my kimchi. My Filipino friend rebutted, “The economics of our present situation is not that simple. If all the professionals return, you have to deal with the unemployment and the loss of remittances. Our economy, our people, just can’t afford that right now.”

The debate went on for a couple of minutes more and, as expected, ended on a hanging note. If I only knew the answer to our country’s problems, I would have shut all the politicians back home up, and that would easily win me a Nobel Prize.

The interesting thing, though, is a few years ago I shared Inquirer columnist Conrado de Quiros’ fervent views about professionals leaving for work abroad. I lived a rather comfortable single life in Manila. As a CPA, I was paid enough to enjoy an apartment in Makati City and a few occasional luxuries. I didn’t have any reason to complain. I frowned upon the professionals who chose to leave (as opposed to those who had to leave for the dire need of a better income), for I thought life in Manila was quite livable. However, I gave up those views like someone would drop a hot potato when I received an offer to work abroad. I packed my bags without hesitation and left.

For most professionals, especially CPAs like me, I could have chosen not to leave. Clearly, in my case, it was not a question of needing a higher paying job. Nor was it a question of nationalism or lack thereof. I am here because of a desire for personal growth, to realize my potential as a young, skilled professional. This, I believe, is not essentially bad in itself, which is why I’m bothered that we, the “leavers” are branded to be the bad, unpatriotic youth.

On what basis are we Filipino professionals being criticized for working abroad? Will our going back to our own country be able to solve our economic problems? To tell you the truth, those questions are not even relevant to me anymore. I believe the more important question is, why should I be expected to live my entire life in the place I grew up in? Is there something fundamentally wrong with living and working outside your country?

I will not appeal for your empathy by saying that under my circumstances, what I’m doing is a sacrifice. It is not, and I might be the first one to admit that. On the contrary, I feel privileged for being given this excellent work opportunity.

Some say that living away from your family is a sacrifice in itself. Yes, it could be tough at times, but isn’t that true wherever you go? Life throws curveballs at you wherever you are. As a person who always sees a glass half-full, living independently for me is just a part of the appeal of living abroad.

The experience of stepping out of my comfort zone in Manila was nothing but exhilarating. I fend for myself, cook my own dinner and clean my own apartment. I have made friends from all over the globe, exposing me to new values and new realities. My office is a hodgepodge of cultures -- American, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Turkish, British and so many others -- that my accent is now all confused. My work is well appreciated in my job and that has made me confident enough to deal with clients from anywhere. I have countless choices I’ve never had before and numerous opportunities that I would never have had, if I had chosen to stay. I can choose to stay here or move to our office in another location, or I can take my MBA in the United States or in London. Even my overactive imagination as a kid never conjured that life could be like this. And all of these are because I am here.

This is not an encouragement for others to leave as well. I have my personal reasons, as I’m sure others have their own. My being here is essentially about living in another country, and not about leaving my country. I’m not here because I wanted to leave the Philippines. I’m here because I want to be here. Because I like being here. I believe that clearly distinguishes between being a sincere Filipino and an apathetic citizen. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with wanting to stay here. I have chosen to brave the other side of the fence with the purest of personal convictions, and without regret. I should not be condemned for doing so.

Jennifer Galang, 24, left for Tokyo in June 2006 to work in an auditing firm. She is 100-percent Filipino, and proud to be one.

well...obviously i can relate...not that im somewhere outside the PI..but i do absolutely agree with her...i know one day..im gona have the same sentiments... except that most probably id be among those who " had to leave for the dire need of a better income".... or it it could be for something else maybe...anyway...no matter where life leads me...i will always be a hundred percent Filipino and will always be proud to be one...

Copied below "moral lesson" from a site I got fond reading the past days...

Moral Lesson: Don't be afraid to make decisions. Not all "feel good" decisions are "right" decisions. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and take risks to come up with a decision. It may be difficult at first to accept the changes and the risks that you have taken but sooner or later, you will realize that it was all worth it - that you will forget how much pain you took, how much tears you shed and how much pride you swallowed. :]

"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide."
-Napoleon Bonaparte

credits to: Alluriyah.multiply

well....

2009-06-26T11:23:41Z

i'm not YET actually back...
in hiatus still..

i just miss posting here...i do miss it so bad...

No i didn't stop writing,
just that most of my recent ones are li'l too personal to share here

probably meant to be read by only few, if not "one" person..

i'm..good...dont wori...
and it's gonna be fine i know...i have this feeling it will..
see, im staying positive...

I started pourin out stuffs somewhere else anyway...
random thoughts..just one liners..

And, if you know me, the URL is not that hard to find.
(Not that you’d want to find it.)

"You have stolen my heart..."

-me

hay.

2009-06-18T10:10:06Z

too sad for anything.

"when you've seen what you need to see...
when you find you...come back to me..."
-david cook

mixed emotions....

2009-06-17T04:11:03Z

i am soooo into documentaries...
it makes me see life in a different way...
it makes me feeel more alive...

here's one i just saw last night.....
and i sooo love it....

the correspondents 16.06.2009

after watching it....
i feel ugh sooooo weird...
it looks light but really serious.
it made me feel blessed yet a little worried...
hayyy....

one thing i am sure after i watched it.
im proud to be a 'filipino" and yes we can survive no matter where we are...

kudos...
to the correspondents, for another beautiful story
to abner mercado, who've never failed to amaze me of his works
to that cute lil american girl, for "making my day" after seein her sing
to that american guy michael hawkins,
for embracing our country more than his own
to all the filipino's around the world not just in america,
for showin them who we are, for sharing them our culture,
and for making "us" here proud.
Kudos! and thank you!

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength"
-Unknown

its STILL a blessing...

2009-06-16T10:55:15Z

then....

now....

does the pics make sense? haha
all i wana say is that
it's been a year since i joined IOM
...and my desk gets a little more messy each day... : )
and i am getting more pasaway i guess...hehe

P.S.
what hasn't changed? my wallpaper! ; )

" I think; therefore I am"
-Rene Descartes